


Because You Are My Home

by ne_meotdaero (maeumdaero_hae)



Category: Given (Manga)
Genre: Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Given Chapter 28, M/M, Sort Of, a very brief mention of chapter 20, the range of emotions given ch28 has
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:33:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27493516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maeumdaero_hae/pseuds/ne_meotdaero
Summary: “Akihiko, let’s go back to my place.”Akihiko thought he wouldn’t be allowed on that place again. That safe haven he had stayed at when times are hard and he’s hitting rock bottom, when he had made the biggest mistake but it still offered warmth and security.
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki
Comments: 1
Kudos: 49





	Because You Are My Home

**Author's Note:**

> this is supposed to be another kind of character study about akihiko but i just go with the flow and think of it as my practice on how to write canon verse akiharu. think of it as my own understanding and how i see chapter 28 
> 
> ch20 is only mentioned as "that night" and no further discussion of the events. 
> 
> also, sorry for the mistakes and lastly, most (all, i think) of the dialogues are from the manga which is not mine and all the translation credit goes to the translator team.
> 
> thank you and enjoy! <3

Honestly, Akihiko had this plan ready on how he’ll confess to Haruki. It was just a matter of time. just polishing it a little bit more. He has this step by step plan on how he’ll confess, from how he could show that he had changed not only because he wants to be deserving of Haruki but also for his own healing down to the littlest detail on what color should his sock’s be on that day.

Then he saw Haruki as he performs on his first ever solo violin competition after stopping from competing back then. This was his second to the last step. He had already decided that he needs to at least get the bronze medal before proceeding to the last step which is confessing. This is his own way to prove to himself that he can still like and enjoy play the violin despite the memories it carries. This is resolve.

He’s placed fourth but that’s not really on his mind right now as he runs to Haruki. It’s just instinct right now. maybe he’s afraid that after Haruki seeing him that pathetic on stage and trying to play violin again he won’t see Akihiko again. Maybe he’s happy Haruki came to watch despite how he suddenly cut off contact from him. maybe this small hope he’s carrying that Haruki might forgive him right now grew a little bit.

Akihiko skidded a bit as he met gaze with Haruki, who has a surprised face.

“You!” Akihiko shouted. “Say something if you’re gonna come! When I noticed you midway, I almost gasped.”

Akihiko doesn’t know how to interpret that expression Haruki has the moment Akihiko saw him. the only thing he added to his resolve that moment is that, he would do anything for that expression to never appear on Haruki’s face.

“Seriously, why were you there?!” He can’t stop from shouting, he’s embarrassed and nervous right now.

“I, uh, Mafuyu suddenly showed up this morning and dragged me along.” Haruki was also shocked. Isn’t this the first time Akihiko being this flustered? Haruki looked up to how calm and collected Akihiko was all the time. Except those times when he’s eyes were just tired and hurt, Haruki would have done everything to remove that expression on this man’s face.

“So fucking embarrassing! That was so fucking embarrassing!” The drummer continued.

“It was really cool…”

“Thanks!? Are you feeling okay!?”

Haruki felt like he was seen. He never saw that side of Akihiko, that determined side of him that no matter what happen, he’ll still face it stubbornly because he has decided on it. So he did what he can only do now, change the topic.

“The results, how did it go?”

Ah, looks like Akihiko caught him.

“Fourth.”

“Congrats.”

“Well, it’s not that great but thank you,” Akihiko said but the next words that left on his mouth are something Haruki had never thought he’d hear.

His feelings for Akihiko never changed, maybe they simmered a bit down but it’s still there – sitting and staying until Haruki would face it again. He knew who Akihiko had to go after when he said _I’ll come back right away_. He knew who Akihiko had loved so much. Maybe that’s when his feelings had gone back and just a tad bit dipper to where he had hidden it back then. Now that he thinks about it, Akihiko’s back showed the determined stature he has on the stage a while ago. Haruki was sure he has to start thinking about slowly letting go.

Akihiko never brought up what happened on that time he followed that person. Haruki didn’t bring it up, so he remained clueless about that certain cut of time.

Akihiko changed after that. it was obvious to tell who had caused that big resolve. Haruki didn’t really want to state the obvious.

“Ugetsu, the guy I was in love with, we broke up.”

 _Huh?_ That doesn’t make sense. Didn’t they get back together on that night? No, Akihiko said that their relationship is going to end soon. But why did Akihiko changed then? Who was responsible for that big of a change in him?

“But you move out determinedly, all of a sudden.” Haruki is confused more than shocked.

“That was because I got in touch with my parents and begged them for money.”

What? Akihiko had never known how to contact his parents. Haruki could see how hard he had to go through just to contact them.

“And you immediately threw yourself into violin practice.” In hindsight, Haruki should have connected the dots when Akihiko suddenly played violin intensely. It’s like he’s proving something upon playing it again.

“That was, ugh.” Akihiko started. “Because I’ve always been running away until now. I wanted to try and see for myself how far I can go.” Akihiko was scared he won’t fully and genuinely enjoy playing violin back then so, naturally, he never put his mind into playing it. It was a cowardly move. Akihiko loved playing violin but the memories stuck on it had him running away. So when he voiced out that violin is still fun it’s just that playing drums is more fun, he decided to try one more time in the violin. See, feel if he can still enjoy playing it while still having fun or at least if he could feel the same back when he really loved the violin. Just to see if he can overcome those memories attached and go back to feeling that genuine joy of producing a sound using violin.

Akihiko felt bad when he realized that he could. He could go back to that feeling. He felt bad for letting those memories cage him and put a stop of him playing. He felt bad for running away for so long. At the same time, he felt immense relief. It felt a lot like he can do anything then and there. He can slowly replace those bad memories with new ones, he can still move forward until the day he can _play_ the violin again.

“You suddenly became withdrawn!” Haruki exclaimed.

“That’s!”

“Before I knew it, you’d change a lot!”

Akihiko grunted. Looking back at it now, maybe the fact that Haruki saw how he changed, bad or good. Maybe it’s the pride in him that had said something he had planned to say softly when he finally explains all his actions towards Haruki – picking up violin again, withdrawing himself, changing himself slowly but surely.

“I changed the way I lived because I wanted to be a man you deserve!”

No. No he did not just say that. He did not just sabotage his own plan. He could feel heat in his cheeks more than ever.

He couldn’t even look at the man he had just confessed to. Sure, it’s not the most common confession but Akihiko knew that Haruki slowly realizes the weight of that confession.

 _Now, I’ve done it._ Akihiko isn’t also sure how to interpret the _uhhh_ sounds that Haruki is saying.

“Haruki,” Akihiko’s voice is careful and soft.

Haruki thinks it’s almost as if he’s scared that loud voice would spook Haruki so he hummed an answer.

“Haruki,” This time more determined but still careful and soft.

_Why._

“Can I touch you?”

 _Why are your fingers trembling, just why?_ The first thing that comes to mind is that Akihiko’s nervous and scared. Scared to be rejected, that’s when it dawns to Haruki that Akihiko hasn’t still forgiven himself from that night.

So he gave the answer that he thinks that would at least assure Akihiko that he’s fine now. The both of them.

“Yeah.”

Akihiko’s hug was tight and Haruki wouldn’t want anything more. He felt it tightening more as Akihiko buried his face on Haruki’s neck.

“I love you. Please go out with me.” Akihiko breathed out, voice shaking.

_Even though I did not want to get hurt again._

“Shit, I rushed.” Akihiko tightens his hug more. “I’m pathetic. I’m unfair. I’m a total brat. I don’t know if I’ll hurt you again, or if Uenoyama will be angry. Ever since I heard Mafuyu sing, I thought, that I want to change.”

This doesn’t only confirm that the reason Akihiko changed isn’t because of the person he thought but also that it was Akihiko’s own choice.

It also reminded Haruki that _ah, I fell in love one day in autumn._ Haruki could chuckle in awe how he fell in love with a man who embodies the same season he realized he fell in love.

“So, will you give me a chan-“

“That’s enough, I get it.” Haruki had seen efforts Akihiko did to change – playing the violin, contacting his parents again, asking those two questions, the way he acted this night. “It’s alright.”

Akihiko can’t believe this kind and understanding man whom he is in love with could just agree with him this easy. Does he even deserve this severe kindness? Probably not but he had promised on that night that it was his turn to save himself, to give himself a chance, to be able to show his strength and devotion.

_Mafuyu’s songs are like magic._

“For real?” Akihiko asked, not believing what Haruki had just said.

“For real.” Haruki answered, sure and final.

_It makes me feel like I want to try falling in love once more._

Akihiko knew his relationship with Ugetsu was bad but he had never entertained the idea of falling in love once more. The voice that asked him if he plays drums was his savior on that idea. It felt natural to think about falling in love once more after that.

Haruki slowly hid these feelings he had for Akihiko. It would ruin the band he so dearly loves and cares about, it was just not worth it that time. His feelings back then are still here albeit slowly crawling out of his hiding space. But this moment had just made him realize that he could fall in love with Akihiko more, deeper. The only difference is that Haruki can confidently say that it is requited and he can feel it.

“Akihiko, let’s go back to my place.”

Akihiko thought he wouldn’t be allowed on that place again. That safe haven he had stayed at when times are hard and he’s hitting rock bottom, when he had made the biggest mistake but it still offered warmth and security.

As Haruki is opening the door, as if a reminiscent of that night where he came home to Haruki after finally cleanly breaking up with Ugetsu expecting and giving Haruki a choice to accept him or not, Akihiko promised once again:

“I’m home, Haruki.”

Haruki looked at Akihiko fondly, a brow raised just a bit as if to say _you didn’t need to do that_ , and welcomed Akihiko warmly with a soft smile and a confirmation:

“Welcome home, Akihiko.

**Author's Note:**

> title is from HOME by SEVENTEEN because i love the fact that akiharu always say 'i'm home' and 'welcome home' to each other, always answering the other. *sobs*
> 
> plus this line just screams akiharu for me: 
> 
> what to do if i don't have you,  
> my heart will have no home to lean comforably on  
> but i leave my heart empty for you


End file.
